Missing him?
Although I’m a single mom, I’ve been in an on again/ off again relationship for 20 years! Yes, thats right- 20 long, long years. However, I finally made it an official “off” relationship a month ago. I simply can’t continue the roller coaster ride of emotions with this man. Its not that he doesn’t love me, or that he doesn’t want to marry me- its just the opposite, to be honest. Although I love him- I apparently don’t love him like I should. I have kept him at an arms length for a reason…. right? Maybe you’re wondering how he is around my child? Well, get ready for this.. he is the father of my only child. He is a good father, but not a great partner. I think I have put up with him all these years because he is my sons father and it was easier for all of us to go on family vacations together, or to visit both our families together. However, meanwhile I allowed a lot of time to go by- like 20 years- without really living my life with someone I love and want to be with forever. Therefore, I finally told him he couldn’t be a part of my life, but of course he could continue with his son, but only at his house.
The last few weeks have been hard. It like a bad addiction. I want to get my fix again, but just long enough to keep me going for a few more weeks. However, I know that will only prolong the inevitable. I know this is silly, but I keep thinking of him as a donut- I just need to say “no” to that donut and I’ll eventually get over the craving. Maybe a new healthy donut will come around soon, or maybe I’ll realize I never really liked donuts to begin with and I really like bagels.
Tags: children, men, missing, relationship